Christmas Wrap-up

“Christmas is over, Conz.”

Yes, yes it is, but there were a lot of really shitty commercials this season and I figured I’d do a rapid fire wrap up.  Why, you ask?

Just let me do my thing, aight?

In case you missed it (You did) I already did an in-depth entry (she didn’t say it) on the Old Navy Griswold commercials

Here are some more of the stupid Christmas commercials from this year…

Good logic in this one.  Why buy a $100 mechanical dancing Santa for your lawn when you can buy a $45,000 Acura?  And why the hell is Santa trying to sell stuff?  Shouldn’t he just give the guy an Acura?

Also, dude in this commercial is in a lot of other ads. “But the pizza came with cheesy breadsticks.”  He’s a prime candidate for a “This Friggin Guy” entry sometime down the line.

This commercial has a similar theme…

This nervy broad got a nice hat for Christmas, and all she can do is bitch about the Hyundai she wanted.  I guess Santa didn’t visit and sell her on them hot new Acura models.  If you ask for car and get a knit hat… a car is probably not in your gift giver’s budget.

The worst part is, the spoiled dame ended up getting her Hyundai.  Let that be a lesson for you.  Don’t like the gift you got?  Just give a pained “thank you” and bring up the real gift you wanted instead.  At least they didn’t put a big obnoxious red bow on the car like Lexus does during their “December to remember” sale.

This commercial absolutely blows.  You know… YOU KNOW… Conz loves him some acapella, but this is just shitty.  Not only is the singing lacking, but it doesn’t even go with the commercial.  It seems like they initially used a completely different song and changed it at the last minute.  It doesn’t fit the theme of the commercial.  Also, I didn’t even know Nautica advertised.  I thought they only did print ads… and I feel like I’ve been seeing the same exact Nautica print ads since 1997, along with this fruity ass Jean Paul Gaultier Sailor that has been in every single Maxim (or similar magazine) since its inception…


How the hell is that used to sell products to men?  I don’t understand.


I dig the cause… but the commercial is still annoying.  If Ty Burrell showed up to my door singing like that, I’d tell him to hit the road and come back with Julie Bowen… mmm, Julie Bowen, that’s a sexy woman. I’ll post a pic to make up for the previous one…


You can keep your “ayyyy yayyyyy” Sofia Whatever, gimmie some Bowen.  I love women that get considerably hotter with age.  Go watch “Happy Gilmore,” she’s twice as hot now… but I digress…  Cancer is a motherfucker, so I ain’t mad at Mastercard or Ty Burrell.

Here’s Santa selling cars again, I just don’t understand the concept.  “How much is that in reindeer power?” ahahahahahahahahahahaha.

That was the longest minute in the history of television.

Christ.  I was hoping the Grandfather would just stop her and say, “Ya know what?  If you’re gonna sing again, stay where you are.”

Eh, this one wasn’t bad.  I like it when people fall down go boom.  … that being said, this whole “tap to share” tech is not nearly as amazing as Samsung seems to think it is.

This commercial must have sent Samsung back about $43.  They didn’t even bother to make the elves look like elves.  Lazy.

Hey Toys R’ Us, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.  This new version of a classic song fucking sucks.  Also, have you been in one of your stores lately?  You’re on the fast track to K-Mart ville, it’s depressing… shit just thrown on shelves haphazardly and shit.  Shit.

Good God, bring back Ty Burrell.

This commercial is fine.  I got nothin but love for Melo, but man, are these jerseys ugly.  I can’t imagine the NBA sold too many of these.  Just needed my opinion to be heard on that one!

There is no way you’re still reading this, is there?  If you are, what is wrong with you?

Last one…

Guess who’s biz-ack?!

… The commercial equivalent to coal in your stocking.

Hope your Christmas was well.  See you in the new year… probably.


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