Classic Shit – The King

Long before Burger King had American stars like Salma Hayek and David Beckham selling pulled porks and their 600 calorie fruit smoothies with this fuck face,  they based most of their advertising around the King.

The King never tested well with people because, “Wahhh, he’s creepy!!!”  But ya know what?  Fuck those sissy marys, the King is the man, and yes, I really like the term “sissy mary.”

How could people not like this guy?

First of all, the NFL films library of music is incredible.  Pair that with just about any video and you have yourself a winning formula.  This track is March to the Trenches in case you are wondering. Second of all, anytime you can shine Daunte Culpepper in a positive light, I’m down.  Those teams were some of the most fun to watch in the past 20 years.  Third of all, the fuckin King kills it!  The first time you saw that, you laughed and you know it.

Here’s the King pick 6’n the Bills to the tune of Round Up, one of the best NFL Films song in my opinion.  The video editing on these commercials are so seamless.  Just look at the King doing Deion’s endzone dance and tell me that’s not great.

I mean, come on!  These are awesome.  That Steve Young scramble was one of the best in NFL history (we all know the scramble by Eli on the Tyree throw is the new GOAT, “Barry Sanders, wahhhh!”) and it’s only made better by the King, just ducking tackle after tackle, gold pendant flapping in the wind.  The song is Forearm Shiver (The Lineman), another great one.

We got a Quincy Carter sighting! I honestly don’t even remember who was on the receiving end here, but the King sells the fuck out of it.  What a grab!  The song is Drive To Glory, not my favorite, but still a good one.

Unless I’m missing one the only problem I have with these commercials is that there wasn’t another one with the best NFL Films song ever…

Just picture the King in place of Franco Harris on the immaculate reception or something to that background music. They must have lost out to Chunky soup for the rights or something.

They probably should have used this as well…

This music is just phenomenal.  As far as I’m concerned the dudes who made this music and John Williams are the Mozarts of the modern age.  Argue me, I dare you.

The King is the best fast food mascot of all time.  Fuck a Ronald McDonald (I fucks with Grimace though), fuck a Jack in the Box, fuck a Wendy… actually seeing the real present day Wendy is a total buzz kill, btw.

*obligatory fat joke*

The King and the NFL were such a tremendous pairing; they even momentarily made Chris Berman tolerable.  This segment was pretty great…

While we’re on the topic of great Burger King ads of the past, find me a better advertising song than this…

You can’t.  You won’t.  Probably making this my ringtone.  Pure perfection.  If you don’t think this is Darius Rucker’s finest moment, well then you my friend are just flat out wrong.

What the hell happened Burger King?  Why did you succumb to the pressure and retire the King?  Bring him back, its football season, gimmie some more of these awesome commercials.  Shit, I’ll take another Darius Rucker ad, he’s not busy.  Actually, just bring the tendercrisp bacon cheddar ranch back while you’re at it, that sandwich was pretty good.

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