T-Mobile – Towers

This commercial has been irking the shit out of me lately.  I wasn’t sure it was blog worthy, but really… what commercial is worthy of a blog?  I blog about commercials.  That’s like going to a restaurant and critiquing appetizers and appetizers only.  I think… I don’t know, I’m not good at metaphors.

“Actually Conz, you used the word ‘like’ so technically that would be a simile.”

T-mobile is advertising how many cancer causing cell towers they have up in America now.  (NOTE: Despite popular belief, I am not a doctor, and my facts may be in fact not be factual…)

The “1,2 buckle my shoe” rhyme scheme is awful.  I would have rather they just fuckin said, “We have towers here and here… thanks.”

If that is her travel itinerary, she’s taking a pretty terrible route.  Michigan to Jersey to Arizona to Texas to Colorado to California to Washington to Florida…

… chick must be using Apple Maps.   Whoaaaa, take that Apple Maps! (Iphone 5 available now at all T-mobile locations nationwide.)

So T-mobile has 35,000 towers, and if you would have asked me a year ago, 35,000 customers.  I guess it’s just not a big service in my area, because it never even felt like an option.  I also tend to think I avoid all companies that decide pink is the best color to represent them. … although I really want to go to a pink taco.

Speaking of pink tacos and terrible segues, T-mobile deserves credit for hiring an attractive chick to peddle their shit.

I bet people wouldn’t hate Flo as much as they do if they wanted to bang her… actually, Flo has been on TV for so long, I bet plenty of dudes do want bang her at this point.  It’s some kind of technological Stockholm Syndrome or something.  The more you see a chick, the more you kinda wanna tap.

“Just put a bag over her head, ha!”  Right, because you’re such a lothario, you’ve actually had women offer to cover their hideous faces and let you slip it in.  Has this ever even happened?  I realize some women have really bad self esteem, but is there one recorded instance of a “butter-face” actually sticking a Shop Rite bag on her head?  I bet that bro-God Tucker Max has “bagged” a few broads in his day.

“Got ya covered” indeed.

Not a big fan of T-mobile’s slogan at the end, kinda reeks of desperation…

Are they admitting they weren’t fast or dependable before?  That’s like a food company advertising like this…

Again, I’m not very good at this…

I was gonna post that piece of shit T-mobile commercial from a few years ago with the fast rapper, but I couldn’t find a clean link.  What I did find was this…


Am I this bad?  You’d tell me, right?  I can’t possibly have this little self awareness… can I?  Now I’m completely paranoid.

I better end this one before I say something (else) that isn’t close to funny.


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