Terrible Music Tuesday – Reds Hooded Sweatshirt

Bronson Arroyo threw a 7 inning, 1 hit gem Sunday night to give his team a 2-0 series lead over the Giants in the NLDS… but that doesn’t make up for this…

Now that the MLB playoffs are here, and the Mets are home naturally, I’ve seen this commercial about 20 times in 2 days…

Bronson Arroyo has been playing terrible music for years now, and for some reason people keep encouraging it.   That’s what people do, they encourage shit like this.  “Who encouraged you to keep blogging,” asked the wiseass.  Dammit… I don’t even know why I let you comment, figment of my imagination.

I have no problem with professional athletes having hobbies; I have a problem with people letting them believe they are really good at said hobby.

I’m on it.

This attempt at Adam Sandler singing isn’t funny.  Throwing a guy who can’t speak English in there to say “Shama-lama-ding-dong,” may have seemed like a nice touch, but it doesn’t take away from the awful singing by Arroyo.  Aroldis Chapman doesn’t even look like he wants to be there.

“Never thought I’d miss Cuba…”

This MLB Fancave does a ton of unfunny bits like this, but this is the first time I’ve really seen one used as a commercial every 5 minutes… that being said, I’d kill to have their job.  Seriously, the guys they have are clowns, I want their job.  It’s about time they hire an introverted, borderline miserable, glass half empty Mets fan to interview teams’ 7th best player every day.

“Comedy is subjective,” is a phrase unfunny people love to say to justify their awful sense of humors (senses of humor?)  I’ll never say that, because I’m funny… and if you disagree, well you’re wrong.  You’re not being subjective, you’re being wrong.  You wouldn’t be reading this stupid blog entry (you’re probably not reading this) if you didn’t at least find me somewhat comical, even you, the guy who googled “Reds pitcher singing about sweatshirt?”

Look at the YouTube replies on the video…

“Bronson you are da bomb!!! And Aroldis……YOU ROCK!!! I laughed so freakin hard I nearly peed!!!!!! Shama-lama-dingdong!!!!!!”  People still say “da bomb?”  Come on Laura, this nearly made you pee?  Get the fuck outta here…

“So smart. haha. lol. I love the Reds. Shamaa Lama ding dong. haha :)” What was “smart” about that?

“Too bad there isn’t a “LOVE” to click. I don’t just like this one. ROFLOL!!”  You rolled on the floor laughing out loud?  You should be committed.

Here’s Bronson on a cruise ship doing a subpar cover of “Wonderwall,” which is basically the Christopher Walken impression of cover songs…

He just reignited the Gallagher Brother war with that performance.  I wonder if the obese couples in island motif knew who Bronson Arroyo was when they wandered past the elevators.

If I had to equate Bronson Arroyo the musician to a professional athlete, he’d be… well, Bronson Arroyo.  I’m sure on any given day he could sound pretty decent with his guitar, and he’s had a “nice little” baseball career.  He won a World Series ring in Boston with this haircut…

He made the All Star team in 2006 and a Gold Glove somehow in 2010, but ultimately he’s a “waiver wire” guy and has been for years.  He’s the type of guy you don’t draft in Fantasy leagues, but more than likely are forced to pick up because he’s the “best of the worst” still available in the player pool.  He took Randy Wolf’s long running crown a few seasons ago.

Stop encouraging athletes to be funny!  Because of you we have to hear Derek “Punch Me Face” Holland’s Harry Caray impression once a month…

… or this giant asshole Dwight Howard doing terrible impression after terrible impression, cheesing like he didn’t just put his former team through hell for a year.  Dude is a bigger bitch than I am (I can own up to my flaws.)

This fuckin cornball… seriously, he’s the corniest dude in America right now.  Dude jacked his entire shtick from Shaq, an infinitely funnier pro athlete, and ran with it.  Although, I will say Dwight is kind of an inspiration to me…  He bitched and whined, threw people under the bus, acted like a little baby and still got his way in the end.  Sometimes it pays to be freakishly tall and blocky.

Where am I going with all this?  I don’t friggin know, I backed myself into a corner when I decided Tuesdays would have a “Terrible Music” theme and commercials stopped using terrible music almost immediately after.  If I don’t present a “Terrible Music” entry every Tuesday, my reader(s?) might give me a hard time, and I want professional athlete telling jokes levels of encouragement from my reader(s?), not scorn.

So, long story short, stop encouraging athletes to be funny or something… rabble rabble and bitch, bitch, bitch.  Let the truly funny athletes be funny organically.  Stop sticking mics in their face and asking them to do stupid shit, it doesn’t work.

For my money, this was the funniest thing a baseball player has ever done…

Oh Manny how I miss your dumbass.

And just for the hell of it, these are always good for a laugh…

Fa Fa Fooey!

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