Foreign Shit – Pizza Hut

Frggin foreign fast food is fuckin fascinating.  If I had the money and the time (I have one of the two covered) I’d travel the globe and sample all the crazy menu items at McDonalds in Japan, or KFC in Russia, or Pizza Hut in the Middle East?

That’s the most bizarre looking pizza I’ve ever seen.  Seriously, that’s the type of crazy shit Michelangelo used to eat on Ninja Turtles. The cones look like mini cannolis.

I actually don’t think the honey mustard chicken cones would be that bad. I mean, I don’t see how it fits on a pizza, but I’d definitely rip em off and eat them separately… but cream cheese?  Why the hell would I want that on or near my pizza?  Even if you convinced me they just tasted like little bagels, there’s way too much cream cheese.

I guess the ‘too much cream cheese’ epidemic has reached other countries as well. Hey bagel places, a “little bit of cream cheese” means a little fuckin bit of cream cheese.  Who are these people that like pounds of that shit on their bagels?  Stop putting so much on that it leaks through the hole!

Back to the pizza… look at the parents snagging up all the chicken cones, and leaving the poor kids with the cream cheese.   That’s so dirty…

“Mmm, chicken!”

“Mmm, ice creaUGHHHH…”

What else you got for me Middle East Pizza Hut?

Ok, first of all… what the fuck is so funny?  I didn’t realize they even allowed horsing around in that part of the world.  I bet in some Arab countries asking for a cheeseburger at a pizza restaurant warrants at least a hand being chopped off.

“But how will I fap?”

Second of all… what the fuck kinda crazy ass pizza is that?

Dare I say this looks good?  My gradually expanding fat ass would totally eat this thing… but they kinda lost me on the toppings.  Why even bother with the lettuce and tomato?  No need to try and infuse healthy ingredients with my “Crown Crust Burger Pizza.”  I didn’t come here to eat good today.

Side note – that Waiter’s hat is dope as fuck.  I’d rock that tomorrow.

Here’s a poorly dubbed Mohammad trying to pull another fast one on the Waiter in the dope hat…

Mohammad, you slay me!  Asking for a chicken fillet in a Pizza Hut?  Surely you jest.  … wait, they actually have chicken fillet?!  WHATTTTTTTT?

I’m just gonna say it, this one looks pretty awesome.  I want one.  I wish the Pizza Hut near me would stop trying to peddle P’zones for 5 minutes and stick this on the menu.  I haven’t eaten there in years, they can earn my business back… and my business is big business. (I use coupons excessively.)

Now I want to go to the Middle East to try this.  What else am I gonna eat, their disgusting goat and chick pea dishes?  Nahhhh, son.  I recently watched a news segment about Qatar, which seemed like paradise.  They are the richest and fattest country in the world.  They’re basically the only country in that area not at war, and they’re all addicted to American fast food.  I think Qatarians (Qatarists?) are now my favorite group of people on the planet.

Side note – “Pizza Hut” written in whatever language this is (Arabic?) literally looks like a glob of jizz.

And with that comment, I no longer want to eat the Crown Crust Chicken Fillet Pizza.

I can’t believe these are all actually menu items.  Pizza Hut can’t be doing that well in America, they might as well start going nuts and releasing crazy shit… what?  There’s more?!

I guess this is a Brit thing?  Wherever this is, I’m going.  I’m negotiating with Shatner as we speak.  I need these in my life. I must have them.  My goal in life just changed from “Nothing” to “Getting some Kit-Kat Pops.”  I just Arabic Pizza Hut Logoed my boxers watching that 5 second clip.

Just look how our obese nation reacted to the Doritos Locos Tacos.  Taco Bell sold 100 million of them in like a month.  Why aren’t more fast food joints branching out and putting crazy ass things like Crown Crust Burger Pizzas on their menus?  Just accept the fact that we’re not getting any healthier and embrace it.  Japan has something like 100 variations of Pepsi, we have 6.  Step your game up America.  Instead of adding apple slices to your menu, gimmie some Kit-Kat pops.  We’re fat, and we’re getting fatter, you might as well make every dollar you can off it.  If fatties wanna fat, then let the fatties fat.


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