Trailer Thursday – Pitch Perfect

Now you know I like me some acapella. “No we don’t.”  Well, I covered in a couple weeks back…

So I figured, who knows, maybe this movie might look good to me… noooooopppe.

Anna Kendrick goes to college even though she’s probably 28 by now, and scoffs at these broads who want her to join the acapella squad.  Is Anna Kendrick attractive?  I change my mind every time I see her.  Heads she is, Tails she’s not…

Tails. Sorry babe.

The other chick, Brittany Snow is very hot.  I’ve liked her for years, yet I can’t recall what the hell I even know her from.  She sneaks up on Anna in the shower…

Maybe this does look good…

… and slowly removes her towel.  She looks deep into her eyes wondering, “Is she attractive?  It changes every time I see her,” then she flips a coin.  Heads.  She gently kisses the nape of Anna’s neck, then moves slowly towards her lips.  Anna is tentative at first, but then she realizes how hot Brittany is, she’s thought that for years… she’s just having a hard time remembering how she knows her… but that’s not important right now.  Anna throws caution to the wind and returns the erotic liplock… “Conz,” she passionately breathes.  “Conz!” This time she screams.  “Conz!  Yo, Conz!”

Sorry about that, I trailed off.  Brittany tells Anna she has to join the singing group team thing.  She agrees.  We gots ourselves a movie!

Then we see the “Bad Boys of Acapella.”  That might be the lamest “bad boys of” in the history of bad boyz.  I’d sooner have the “Bad Boys of Crochet” back me in a fight.

This is basically “Bring it On” with no cheerleading, and less black people.  I’m also getting a major “Sister Act 2” vibe.  You know the one, when Whoopi was “back in the habit.”  Hundred bucks says we don’t get anything close to this powerhouse performance of Joyful Joyful in “Pitch Perfect.”  Lauryn Hill broke a commandment she murdered that track so bad.  And that’s bad meaning good, not bad meaning bad.

But this isn’t about the only nun ever with the last name “Goldberg.”

The completely unfunny fat chick is about to blow up… both literally and figuratively.  Her name is Rebel Wilson apparently… so expect to hear that stupid name a lot in the future.  She was Kristen Wiig’s roommate in “Bridesmaids,” so that pretty much guarantees she’ll be successful.  Everyone who worked on that movie is blowing up.  The guy who ran craft services just got a development deal with FOX.

I’m pretty pissed Adam Devine is in this. Workaholics is probably my favorite comedy on cable these days, so to see him in this piece of crap is very loose butthole… as this movie looks like it was made for loose buttholes.  His big singing scene in the trailer is “Hey Mickey…” lame.  He should be slipping mickeys not singing about a dude named “Mickey.”

“Probably should’ve let Ders take this role…”

The girls counter with No Diggity and you know Conz ain’t got no problem with that. “No, we don’t! We don’t know you!”  I’ll look for any excuse to link that classic video with all those Little Penny puppets dancing around.

It’s goin down, fade to Blackstreet…

I just had an “eargasm.”  So far the best part of this trailer was reminding me how great this song is.

They go to New York for some big final, where they will either win it all and defeat the bitchy girls from State, or they’ll come in second and learn a valuable life lesson.

Man, they make Adam hook up the INCREDIBLY unfunny fat girl… why did you take this role, dude?  Wait a year, you have Charlie Day breakout potential; don’t do singing movies where you have to kiss fatties.  I hope his character at least has Shallow Hal disease.  Maybe he thinks he’s macking Brittany Snow.

According to imdb, McLovin is in this movie.  I didn’t even notice him in the trailer.  There’s also a chick named Catherine Kim Poon… ha!

I’m thinking that Kendrick-Snow lesbian shower scene will hit the cutting room floor unfortunately, so I’ll say my Rotten Tomatoes prediction is 58%.  Critics like Anna Kendrick and they’ll probably rave about how fat funny that funny fat girl is.


1 thought on “Trailer Thursday – Pitch Perfect

  1. Pingback: Trailer Thursday Catch-Up | Conz Hates Commercials

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