TD Bank – Regis and Kelly

TD is my bank.  I’ve never had any problem with them… well, except for that weird Teller dude who always gave me lollipops, but he’s since been replaced by a real cute chick.  I should take a run at her… buttttt, she knows how much I have in my checking account, so that probably won’t work…

Here’s TD’s most recent ad campaign featuring Regis and Kelly…

Kelly wants Regis to buy this hideous suit.  I don’t know if that’s a joke or the actual style these days… I’ve been wearing hoodies and Adidas jackets since I was 14.

Only a total Mo would wear this suit.

Regis would buy it but he thinks his balance is low.  How insulting is that?  Regis Philbin’s net worth is $90 million… but he can’t afford an ugly ass suit because his balance is low.  That’s like going to dinner with A-Rod and him saying, “Oh, do you mind getting me? I don’t get paid til Friday,” when the bill comes.  (“It’s not like that at all!”)

“I’d totally wear that suit!”

I mean come on TD, don’t you think that’s just a Tad Disrespectful?  We’re in the middle of a recession and you’re telling me this multi-millionaire’s balance is low? That’s Totally Demeaning to those who have a hard time paying their bills.  Also, how many times a day do we need to see these Two Dimwits on TV?  This commercial is on Too Damn much.  … Tony Danza.

Back to the commercial… Regis plays the old man card.  He acts like he doesn’t know what “online” means or what email is… hehehe.  I’m shocked he didn’t bust out a “Ya know, back in my day we didn’t have…” bit.

That Kelly Ripa is a sexy little spinner, isn’t she?  She’s got like 7 little half Mexican kids and still has a tight body on her.  I wonder if Regis ever got to sneak a peek at her in the dressing room.  You know my boy Strahan is just counting down the days until he buries his gap in her lap.

… fap, fap, fap…

Here’s another high-larious Regis and Kelly ad…

Kelly lookin all cute in her sun dress and floppy hat… I see you baby.  This time they’re actually at TD bank.  Regis must have scrounged up some dimes and needs to use the penny arcade coin machine.

Nope, Regis is getting a friggin mortgage now… at least they’re hinting that Regis has enough “fuck you” money to straight up buy a country house to bring Kelly to on a whim.  I wonder what his intentions are. Something something, fish joke, dangling worm innuendo, blah blah.

There are about 5 more of these… do I really have to post them?

They break the fourth wall in this one when Regis asks, “What am I the spokesman?”  It’s funny because he is!  He is the spokesman!   Also, I guess the weird teller from my bank got relocated here, because Regis has a green lollipop.  I thought we had something special, Creepy Gary?!  You slut!

Regis calls Kelly about TD bank and blah blah, and Kelly in bed in her little nighty and nom nom…

What the fuck is this?

Regis is talking to Sigmund Frude (Bill and Ted brah!) and he screams because the session costs $200.  Once again, insulting… and what’s what the flappy heads?  Are they Canadian?

Ya know what, I can post more of these stupid TD commercials, but I’d rather just post this…

… suckmyballs.

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