Terrible Music Tuesday – Little Caesars “Like We Do”

This song…

… blows.

The worst part of this commercial is that for the life of me, I can’t remember which song they’re parodying.  It’s been pissing me off for a half hour now.   Damn song isn’t even catchy, yet it will be stuck in my mind because I can’t figure out what it is.  It’ll come to me…

“Nobody gives you the prices, like we do.”  This could very well be the case, I have no idea.  Five bucks for a large pizza is definitely a good deal… but it makes you wonder how terrible the pizza really is if they’re selling it for the same amount as a Big Mac.

“Nobody saves you the money, like we do.”   That’s basically the same thing, no?  That’s like following up the song lyric “I love you,” with “I really like you.”  You made your point already; you get a lot of shit for a little money.

“Cash rules everything around me, CREAM, get the money, dolla dolla bill y’all!”

“Nobody gives you choices, like we do.”  Ok, this one is bullshit.  What could Little Caesars possibly have that every other pizza place in America doesn’t have?  The guy’s holding two pies, some bread sticks, and a container of shitty wings or something.  Such variety!  I ordered that exact combo from Dominos the other day… because I hate myself.

“Nobody else has it ready, like we do.”  They really ran out of things to brag about it.  The commercial is 30 seconds long and they’re already reaching for things to hype about their restaurant.  I’d like to see the extended minute long version…

“Nobody has orange balloons, like we do!”  “Nobody has a flippy sign guy, like we do!”  “Nobody has silver counters, like we do!”

Oh shit, flippy sign guys and balloons?  Let’s go there for din-din!

I like the couple who get their pizza at :20… and then go in completely separate directions.

There’s just way too much happening in this commercial.  They have an accordion player, a ventriloquist, a juggler, a fire breather, a Japanese rock band, a brobot who doesn’t even do robot moves well…

“I grew up on the crime side, the New York Times side.  Staying alive was no jive…”

Commercials where people dance and sing, and make really stupid “We’re so happy” faces really irk the shit out of me.  I guess I’m just too miserable to see how this could possibly be fun.  The only people that get this excited about pizza aren’t mobile enough to sing and dance like morons.  Shit, Michelangelo didn’t even like pizza this much.

Buy me this.

Why would anyone want to be in a commercial like this?  This is bottom of the barrel, it just seems degrading to shuck and jive like this to sell a $5 pizza.  I’d respect them equally if they were full blown cock-whores… except the kids, they don’t know any better.

Isley Brothers!  I didn’t even google it, swear…

Good tune, but oh man, I just got flashbacks to the worst cold open in the history of “The Office…”

That’s the worst thing that show ever did… it’s even worse mirrored.  That was worse than having Michael follow his GPS into a pond, or adding that British woman to the cast.  The only thing worse than lipdubs are flash mobs, so I fully expect them to have one this season.

Where the hell did Little Caesars go?  They used to advertise nonstop when I was a kid, and then I didn’t hear a peep from them for over a decade.  I thought they went under, but I guess they just left my area for a while.  Again, people in the middle of the country don’t know what real pizza is (Shut your ass up, Chicago) so I’m sure Little Caesars thrives there. People in Alabama think the main ingredient in pizza is Hunt’s brand Catsup… probably.

I used to actually love Little Caesars commercials when I was little.  This fucker was great…

“But it was just a dream for the teen, who was a fiend.  Started smokin woolies at sixteen…”

I always thought him, the Noyd, and that gay pizza face guy from Pizza Hut should have had a Saturday Morning Cartoon together.  Throw that shit right after “Prostars” and “Wish Kid” and my day would have been set.

My favorite part of this video though… hands down… is when the little dialogue box pops up that says “click here for my extreme unicycling videos!” This dude uploads pizza commercials and unicycle videos to Youtube.  There’s something hilarious about that to me.  Look how fuckin stupid this is…

They might as well be lipdubbing.  “Nobody rides around on one wheel, like we do!”

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