Old Spice – Champion

This is the first “alright already” commercial of the football season.

Here’s Greg Jennings (remember when you scored him in the 4th round?!  Sick pick, dude!) throwing a Frisbee with his golden retriever, Roscoe.  He’s talking about being alive or some shit.

“When you use Old Spice Champion it’s like you’re the star of a Hollywood film… about your own life.”  How exactly?  You rub it on your armpits.

The product is called “Champion,” and while I know Jennings is one, he didn’t win last year.  This ad should have gone to a Giant, because as we all know the New York Football Giants are the reigning Super Bowl Champions.  Cue someone really obnoxious saying, “GGGGGGGGGGGGG-MENNNNNNNNNNN.”

This is one of those commercials I don’t get. They’re parodying a happy ending to a movie (NOTE – happy endings have completely different meanings in my favorite types of movies.)  The voiceover makes it seem like they overcame a large obstacle in said “movie,” yet the final shot is GJ having a catch with his dog in an empty stadium?  How does someone come up with that?   How much thought went into that?  I can’t help but feel like this commercial was a missed opportunity.  The only humor is the dog guy’s stupid face.

I also have a problem with Greg Jennings’s dog’s being named “Roscoe.” When you hear the name “Roscoe” what’s the first thing that pops in your head?  Chicken and waffles, right?

Why didn’t anyone watch “Wonder Showzen?”  That show was pure brilliance.

Old Spice has essentially become the Sprite of male grooming products.  They tend to gear their advertising towards a more “urban” crowd if you will.  Between Jennings, Terry Crews and that Mustafa “I’m on a horse” guy, they have had more black men pitching for them in the past few years than Major League Baseball.  Speaking of, Old Spice had a brief foray back into white pitchmen with that ship captain who looked like Brian Wilson… but fuck that guy, and fuck white people.


Click that link for hours (probably more like minutes) of fun.  Terry Crews is comedy gold.  I especially recommend “A” for sausages.

“Believe in your Smellf” is Old Spice’s new slogan.  Someone got a huge bonus for coming up with that.  Right now Joe Schmo from the Old Spice advertising department is fucking his wife in a private Maui bungalow because he came up with “Believe in your smellf.”  I have to assume we’re going to be seeing a bunch of these commercials this year.

I’ll give Old Spice credit, five years ago they were the official scent of grandfathers, but with some off the wall commercials, they’ve managed to become “hip.”  They even have other companies completely biting their steez.  At least two different ad campaigns… neither of which I can remember at the moment… have used the bizarre style Old Spice made famous with the actor walking into multiple sets while talking to the camera. (Shave gel maybe?)

I don’t know if I’ve ever actually bought Old Spice products though. I’m the only dude left in America using Right Guard, because anything else would be uncivilized.

something, something, “turrible”

Do people still use Axe?  I have a can of that shit from 2003 still sitting in my drawer like a fine wine.  Do they expire?  If I use it tomorrow, will I die?  This is imperative, someone please let me in the comment section (I’m just desperate for comments, feel free to say anything.)

Back to the commercial, the guy in the dog costume is 22 years old!  He was a child actor… 5 years ago.  I remember him from a few things, because his stupid ass face looked like this…

It’s hard to forget a mug like that.  Now, he looks like this…

… talk about being dealt a bad hand in life. I don’t know if this dude has a condition or what, but I’m never complaining about my receding hairline again.  He did the right thing by getting into show business.  He’s so damn weird looking, he’ll probably continue to get steady work for years to come.  Dude’s probably still rolling in hot Hollywood slang for vagina.  I’m currently rolling something I picked out of my nose between my thumb and index finger.

Right now you’re thinking, “Where do I know that kid from?”  Let me help you out…

Is it any wonder his father skipped out on him?  He looks older than Art Alexakis now, it’s like he’s shooting a followup to this video and playing the actual father.

Old Spice’s little whistle theme song is great…

There was a classic “Simpsons” joke that featured it… but guess what?  Greedy ass Fox doesn’t let people host “Simpsons” clips, so I can’t find it.  Fuck Fox son, fuck em!

I guess when you’re Greg Jennings you take any commercial offered to you.  At least he didn’t sign up for “Dancing with the Stars” like his mo teammate.

“Dude, Wikipedia said I won though.”

I have a feeling this commercial is gonna be on everyone’s nerves in a few weeks.  Between rants about how much Joe Buck and Chris Berman suck, your drunk friend is probably gonna mention being sick of that “damn Greg Jennings commercial.”

In summation… I don’t know… fuck the Lambeau Leap.


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