Class Sick Shit – Folgers Rockapella

Ads so classic you’ll call out of class sick to watch them!  (Poorest attempt yet.)

This song was my ringtone for 6 months. I got 17 phone calls in that time span. (Fuckin telemarketers!)

You can keep your Bone Thugs, I’ll just take the harmony.  (Second poorest.)  This is the most harmonious thing I’ve ever heard.  If my Church’s music sounded like this… I’d still make an excuse not to go, but it would definitely improve the experience if I ever did.

I wanna go to black church so bad.

Where is Rockapella these days?  They can’t still be living off that “Carmen Sandiego” money, can they?  I want more of this.  Seems like the only place to find acapella music these days is at Ivy League schools… and let’s be real, I’m not going to any Ivy League schools. (I’m basically a shut-in, I’m not going anywhere.)

This song is so good they actually have me convinced that Folgers is the best part of waking up. Normally I’d think the best part would be simply waking up alive, or maybe taking that first morning leak… but Rockapella swayed me, its Folgers.  I was never a coffee drinker until Rockapella led me to that sweet morning elixir, now it’s the doo-wop-doo-wop in all I do.

“Morning sex is the best part of waking up.”  Move along Casanova, this blog doesn’t concern you.

This is legitimately my favorite commercial jingle of all time.  I’ve listened to it 10 times already.

I don’t often give myself credit, but I can sing tte shit out of this.  I just murder it.  I’m not even stroking my ego when I say I’d advance a round on “America’s Got Talent,” if I went on and sang this.  My vocal range knows… boundaries… but I can nail all the levels in this shit.  If I performed this around some fine ladies, Casanova’s suggestion might actually become an option (No chance.)

If you ask me, this song takes a watery diarrhea dump all over “Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego.”  I’ll link it up since you were gonna go look for it anyway.

I always thought they should have done a Carmen Sandiego/Where’s Waldo crossover where Waldo knocks up Carmen called “The Most Elusive Baby in the World!”  Instead we got “Where in Time is Carmen Sandiego,” and Waldo got a dog or something.

Goddamn, Rockapella is good…

I put my gumshoes on the case to find out if Rockapella was still touring.  It would be real cool to see all the old guys together again and…  uh oh.  What the fuck?

“Who? … What? …Where?”

Who the fuck are those guys? Where’s the dude with the deep voice?  This is Rockapella not Roc-a-fella! (Racist!  “It’s the Roc!”)   Did they adopt the Chief’s sons?

“C’mon dog, that’s like your 5th black joke today.”

That is not Rockapella, I’m sorry. That is false advertising! They should use the “Sublime with Rome” name approach and call themselves, “Rockapella with Jerome.” (I swear I’m not racist.)

“Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute! I thought this was ‘Conz Hates Commercials’?!  You’re already reviewing commercials you like, and you have to gaul to cry about false advertising?!  Also, it’s spelled ‘A capella,’ there’s a space… you suck, Conz.”

Shut you white ass up, it was either this or another car commercial.


2 thoughts on “Class Sick Shit – Folgers Rockapella

  1. Pingback: Trailer Thursday – Pitch Perfect | Conz Hates Commercials

  2. Pingback: Christmas Wrap-up | Conz Hates Commercials

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s