Terrible Music Tuesday – Nissan Summer Savin’ Days

Did you guys know I watch a lot of baseball?  I haven’t stated that yet right?  Oh look, another car commercial…

This friggin song, holy shit…

Every commercial break.  Every single one.  I counted the other day – this commercial came on 8 times in 2.5 hours during the Mets game… and I polished a chapter off the aptly named “Game of Thrones” on the toilet at one point, so I probably missed the 9th.  I was actually relieved when the Mets came back… it’s that bad.  (Who am I kidding, I live for the torture that is Mets baseball.)

“Jesus Christ, is this a Mets blog or a commercial blog?!”

How does this ad sell Nissans?  I’ll never understand advertising.  Like I said, I’ve seen it 1000 times, and I still had to look up which company it was for.

Fruity singing and dancing sells cars?

I’ve never seen Grease, because I don’t like obvious pieces of shit, but I’m well aware of the horrific songs. I’ve been to middle school dances (most recently last week.)  After seeing the actors in this commercial prance around to this song, how is it any surprise that Travolta fondled dong?  I’m not judging the guy, I’m just saying it isn’t shocking.  He’s free to do whatever he wants to do.  Different strokes for different folks.  (Oh I know you see what I did there!)

“Ha. You got me good, Conz.”

Look at the dude in this commercial.  He probably went out to L.A. to be in movies, and this is all he could book… just bouncing around and hamming it up for the man.  Pathetic.  I actually feel bad for the guy.  I wanna throw him a bone (No Travolta) and give him a bit part in the screenplay I’m writing called “Step Up 2 Da Plate,” which is about a breakdancing wiffle ball team. (E-mail me, Agents/Managers/Producers/Anyone.)

This is such a mailed in commercial.  The choreography sucks.  One chick does a cartwheel or a handspring or whatever the fuck that thing is called.  There’s a token black guy in there somewhere, but to my disappointment he does nothing to distinguish himself from the “swagless” Honkeys.  The guy in the pink pants hops over an oar… that’s pretty much the dance move with the highest degree of difficulty in the commercial.

“I should be in Jabawockeez!”

The lyrics to this song aren’t even clever.  “Summer lovin, had me a blast.”  “Summer savings, Nissan’s a blast.”  Ok, so far so great!  “Summer lovin, happened so fast.”  “Summer lovin, it’s ending fast.”  Ohhh, bravo!  Way to go, Nissan.  Excellent job.  Here’s how it should have gone…

“We try to hook you with a song from your past,

Summer savings, this commercial’s half assed!

Summer fun, someone fetch my gun,

To shoot these Nissan summer savings gays!

Oh well-oh well… oh well… *sigh*… oh.”

Tell me more, tell me more…  No don’t!  Don’t tell me anymore, I’m done with you, Nissan. You’ve lost me as a customer.  I mean… I was probably never gonna buy a Nissan, but I’m definitely not gonna now (I make $14 a year.)  I hope you feel good about yourself.

(NOTE – I don’t condone shooting anyone.  I don’t own a gun, I don’t want to own a gun, and I couldn’t hurt a fly, so don’t go reporting me to the authorities for one lame joke, ya rat bastards.)

No clue who this Hummel asshole is at the end of the commercial, but I bet he had no clue this shit song was gonna be his opening act when he shot that talking head.  Sucks for him.

I’m actually looking forward to fall (or “Autumn” for you pretentious assholes who say “Autumn.”) just so I don’t have to see this crap anymore.  Stay cool people.


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