Terrible Music Tuesday – Tri-State Ford Sales Drive

This friggin song…

This friggin song is terrible.  Terrible!

If you really want to experience the horror that is this song, just listen to the live version.

I don’t know what “drops of Jupiter” are, but I’d rather drip them into my ears than listen to this song again.  I’d rather lay down on electric train tracks than listen to Train.  You know when you’re standing on a train platform as it rolls in, and you just know the Conductor is gonna blast the horn, but you still jump out of your skin when the fucker does it?  I’d rather be woken up by one of those nightly than listen to this song again.  I’d rather have a train run on me in prison than… nah, I’m going to far now.

“This is much worse than a DRIVE BY…”

Oh I swear to you, I’ll be there for you.  This is not a drive by-ay-ayayay.  It’s so fuckin catchy it makes me sick.

The follow up lyric to that bar is, “Just a shy guy, looking for a 2 ply Hefty bag to hold my love.”  What?  Was that subliminal product placement? I put my investigative team on the case.  Hefty brand is owned by Mobil… who of course are the oil tycoons that fill up not only Ford Escapes, but trains as well!  It’s a conspiracy!

“The Government wants you to believe it’s all a coincidence, but oh I swear to you, I’ll be there for you. This is not a drive… Goddammit, it’s so catchy!”

Looks like Pat Monahan has another hit that trumps the level of annoyance that was “Hey, Soul Sister.”  And can we talk about the subtle racism of his music?  “Hey, Soul Sister” is clearly about a sassy black woman.  And are we at the point where we can make light of drive by’s, the #14 killer of African Americans in the late 90s?  Is Pat Monahan of Train trying to start another east coast/west coast turf war?   I’m pretty sure the lyrics to the hook of this song were the last words Big’s people told Pac on that fateful day in 1996.

“It’s not? Pfww, ok, you had me worried for a second.”

RIP Pac.  RIP Big. It’s kinda hard with you not around, though you’re in Heaven smiling down, watching us while we pray for you.  Every day we pray for you.

I wonder if anyone has ever pulled off a drive by shooting from a Ford Edge.  If it ever happens I want Pat Monahan arrested.

Back to the commercial…

**Disgruntled Met fan alert**

What the hell are with the random shots of Derek Jeter?  Not only that, why are the shots of him playing defense?  Doesn’t Ford know Jeter is one of the worst defensive players in the league?  Do they even look at range factor?  Derek Jeter has a UZR of -13.6, good for dead last in baseball.  I realize the guy has an “Edge” Ford, but come on.  Ironic that Ford’s slogan is “Go Further,” as that is what Jete’s teammates say every time a ball is hit in his general vicinity.  Ruben Tejada > Jeter.

To be fair, Derek Jeter banged Jessica Alba… I once purchased a DVD copy of “Into The Blue” to see Jessica Alba frolic in a bikini for an hour and a half… Fuck Jeter.

“I already did… so did Jessica Biel. Haha, you suck, Conz.”

I do suck.  I really do.  I know I swear to you, I’ll be there for you.  This is not a drive by ay-ayayay! Mother fucker!


4 thoughts on “Terrible Music Tuesday – Tri-State Ford Sales Drive

  1. The Tri State Ford Sales Drive commercial is the most annoying commercial on TV. It never ends. They have been running a “special promo” since mid July. They are so freakin’ cheap that they only created one spot, and are running the CRAP out of it until people’s brains run out of their ears like spoiled blood pudding. They have millions of $ for ads, but their idiot ad agency/media planner never was trained to execute a simple wear out analysis. THE COMMERCIAL IS WORN OUT, BOTH ON TV AND RADIO! RADIO IS A FREQUENCY DRIVEN MEDIA VEHICLE! GET IT, YOU BUTT HEADS?

    This is an anti-ad–it annoys the SHIT out of people, the music is garbage, bubblegum, coma-inducing crap that has NOTHING TO DO with a value prop/any key selling point(s), the ad copy doesn’t tell you DICK about Ford or their cars (that’s the POINT OF AN AD YOU MORONS!), other than “we have last year’s crap cars for cheap prices (for the last 10-11+ weeks), and it is the WORST form of advertising! I wouldn’t piss on a Ford, even if 5 kittens were inside one on fire mewing for help. It’s really made me HATE Ford and everything connected with Ford. They are brainless jerks who should go bankrupt!

  2. I hate this commercial. They play it every 10 minutes on the yea network and the fan. I will never buy a ford from a tristate dealer ever and that ain’t no drive by.

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