This Friggin Broad – Melanie Paxson

Every Friday I’m going to feature a prolific commercial actor whose face annoys the shit out of me… if I’m even still doing this by next Friday.

I don’t know what actors get paid for commercial work, but I’m sure there is some kind of nice residual package once their ad goes national.  I could have easily done some research to find the answer to this question, but that would have cut 17 seconds into my day, and my time is precious…

My time. (Also, my heart ❤ )

I’ve seen this broad (not Precious) in at least 5 commercials over the years.

Melanie Paxson (née Moore) is what would happen if you somehow figured out a way to breed Sarah Silverman and Megan Mullally (I’d watch)… and then amplified their annoying voices sevenfold (Admission – I don’t even really know the proper definition of “sevenfold.”)


That Target ad is her latest mute worthy masterpiece.  They managed to take that horrible “We Got the Beat” song and make it worse.  “Notebooks and Jeans?”  That was the best they could do? Someone wrote that?  That’s lazy as hell, and there’s nothing worse than a lazy writer. Notebooks and jeans? Ya know what I needed most when I went back to school?  Ritalin.   (Note – Target, I am available to write commercials for you.  Also, may I add your stores are always well kept, welcoming, and clean and you provide the public with a wonderful array of products.  I especially like your notebook and dungaree selection… ohhhhh.  Ok.  Touché Targét.)

“Dungarees” is a funny word.  Hey, if you own a pair of dungaree overalls, can they be considered “Overies?”  Do they still sell Dunkaroos?  You know you don’t just eat your Dunkaroos, right?  What was I talking about again, Sarah Silverman or something?

Oh, Melanie Paxson, right.  Apparently she’s done commercials for Fiber One, Yoplait Yogurt, and Milo’s Kitchen.  Ironically, all three of those products make me shit.  (Admission – I’ve never heard of Milo’s Kitchen, and I’m not confident I used “ironically” right.)  She was in some Glad commercials too (Not GLAAD, they thankfully don’t advertise.)

She also did a Progressive Insurance commercial, which I have to assume is like the commercial actor equivalent of making the All Star team.  Flo must be the Babe Ruth of Insurance commercials.

“I’m more of a ‘Ruth’ than a ‘Babe.'”

I was gonna link to more of Melanie’s commercial work, but instead I’ll just post a link to some of her voice work.

According to her wikipedia page, she has a kid, and I really don’t like slamming too deep into someone’s mother (except your mother… dammmnnnnn.) so I’ll leave her be from here, and conclude that she’s probably a nice lady unworthy of this post… but you know the drill Melanie, Conz hates commercials.

What else should I write?  I don’t know. I’m pretty lazy… I’ll see you next week (no I won’t.)


5 thoughts on “This Friggin Broad – Melanie Paxson

  1. Pingback: | Conz Hates Commercials

  2. She is on 5 commercials right now & it’s driving me friggin’ nuts. I don’t think she’s that good anyway!! So many actors are out of work & she gets all this? Why? Who is she sleeping with? I can’t stand her!!!

    • She’s from a small town which happens to be my home town. Go Melanie! Nice seeing someone work so hard to accomplish so much! Hard getting into the big screen from such a small town!
      Annnndd… She’s sleeping with her husband.

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