WB Mason “Buyright Kids”

Like I said in my previous post you didn’t read, I watch a ton of baseball, and with baseball comes many a bad commercial. The WB Mason “Buyright Kids,” have been burning up the airwaves all summer, and each new adventure tops the last in terms of corniness and creepiness.

The “Buyright Kids,” who have no affiliation with the “Buy Rite” liquor store chain (that would be an awesome ad campaign), are essentially a modern day “Little Rascals,” except instead of Spanky, Buckwheat and Alfalfa, we have Goofy Ginger, Nondescript African-American (or “Black” depending on how politically correct you are) and A GIRL?! Ain’t no girls allowed in the Little Rascals’ clubhouse!  … To be fair, it is 2012.  They probably got in trouble with some feminist group and had to allow girls in the club.  Plus, they need her to play “Nurse” in their big show, “Romeo and Juliet.”  Naturally, Goofy Ginger will be playing the role of “Romeo,” because lets be real, girls of all ages love them some curly haired gingers.

They want to promote their show with flyers, but need new toner because “Nurse’s” headshot is all faded and icky.  That’s where WB Mason comes in… literally… dude just pops his head into their clubhouse in all of his mustachioed glory.

“Daddy’s home!”

I’ll just say what you’re all thinking… this WB doesn’t look right.  That mustache is a dead giveaway that this guy has ulterior motives for putting the “Buyright Kids” on his route.  In the wake of the Sanduskey saga, I just can’t see a weird dude hanging with a bunch of kids and feel comfortable with it.  I bet that isn’t even toner in that box… I feel like there’s an easy “boner” rhyming joke to make here, but I’m not good at making these so called jokes… and it would be rather inappropriate.  If this was real life, he would have at the very least kidnapped that nerdy King who calls for the heads of the producers of cheap bargain toner.

“These original HP toner cartridges will put the right color back in your cheeks.”

“That’s… racist.”

They end up printing new flyers using the HP toner, and the little Nurse says she looks “W B-eautiful.” WB nods affirmatively and licks his lips… nah.  He stays out of it, but we do get a great Groucho Marx impression (I think) from GG for some reason, in which he mimes smoking a cigar (I hope.)

Oh by the way, “WB” stands for “Who But?” That sounds like he’s asking which kid wants it first in prison slang.  I really want to contact the “Buyright” gang’s parents after watching a few of these.  Do they know who their kids are hanging out with?  Have they seen WB?  Better yet, have they seen his huge spacious truck?

In another one of their commercials, the BRK’s need Sharpies to sign baseballs, which is stupid, because  you never sign baseballs with Sharpies!  You use blue Bic pens, dumb kids.  In another they’re selling poems.  Yes, poems.  What kid do you know buys his friend’s poetry?

In conclusion… I’ll spare you, this has already exceeded 500 words.  Hey… you have a good day, eh?


2 thoughts on “WB Mason “Buyright Kids”

  1. The girl with the curly locks is a little hottie. Oh, but you undoubtedly already noticed that. I love it when she speaks French or gives one of her coy knowing looks to WB as she says “I’ve been saving up” in regards to her lost teeth. The only turn-off commercial I’ve seen is the one where she sticks out her tongue at the nerdy guys with the sludge coffee. That kind of ruins her cute looks.

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